A Catholic Dictionary

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.

CHOIR: A group whose singing allows the congregation to lip sync.

HYMN: A song sung three octaves higher than the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of Jesuit priests founded colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth because Joseph had no HMO.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

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